TOW The Best Mondler Moments 

TOW Phoebe Hates PBS

Chandler: (entering) Look, maybe I got carried away before. But there's something you gotta know. If I'm the best, it's only because you've made me the best.

Monica: Keep talking.

Chandler: I mean I was nothing before you. Call the other girls and ask. Which wouldn't take long. But when I'm with you, and we're together, OH…MY…GOD.

Monica: Really?

Chandler: Oh-aw my God! Now, I understand if you never want to sleep with me again, but that would be wrong. We're too good! We owe it, to Sex" target=_blank>sex!

Monica: Well, if we owe it? (She throws down her cleaning stuff and jumps into his arms.) Oh my… When is Joey gonna be home?

Chandler: Well, I was kinda hoping we could do this with out him. (She starts to take off her latex gloves.) Oh no-no-no, leave the gloves on.

Monica: But, I just cleaned the bathroom.

Chandler: Yeah, why don't we lose the gloves.

Monica: Yeah. (She takes them off.)

(He carries her over to the door and opens it.)

Chandler: All right, let's show them how it's done.

Monica: Okay.

(He starts to carry her into the hallway but hits her head on the door.)

Monica: Ow!

Chandler: Y'know that wasn't part of it?

Monica: I know!

 

 

 

TOW The Kips

Chandler: (entering) Hey!

Monica: Hi.

Chandler: I just came over to drop off…nothing. So that weekend kinda sucked, huh?

Monica: Yeah, it did.

Chandler: So, I guess this is over.

Monica: What?

Chandler: Well, y'know, you and me, it had to end sometime.

Monica: Why, exactly?

Chandler: Because of the weekend, we had a fight.

Monica: Chandler that's crazy! If you give up every time you'd have a fight with someone you'd never be with anyone longer than—Ohhh! (They both realize something there.)

Chandler: So, this isn't over?

Monica: (laughs) You are so cute! No. No, it was a fight. You deal with it and move on! It's nothing to freak out about.

Chandler: Really? Okay. Great!

Monica: Ohh, welcome to an adult relationship! (She goes to kiss him.)

Chandler: (stops her) We're in a relationship?

Monica: I'm afraid so.

Chandler: Okay.

(They kiss.)

 

TOW All The Thanksgivings

There's a knock on the door and Chandler gets up to answer it. He opens the door to reveal Monica with a turkey over her head.)

Chandler: Nice try.

Monica: Wait, wait, wait! (She puts a Shriner's hat on the turkey.)

Chandler: Look, Monica…

Monica: Look! (She puts a big, yellow pair of sunglasses on the bird.)

Chandler: This is not going to work.

Monica: I bet this will work! (She starts dancing and Chandler cracks up.)

Chandler: You are so great! I love you!

(Monica stops suddenly and turns around slowly.)

Monica: What?

Chandler: Nothing! I said, I said "You're so great" and then I just, I just stopped talking!

Monica: You said you loved me! I can't believe this!

Chandler: No I didn't!

Monica: Yes, you did!

Chandler: No I didn't!

Monica: You love me!

Chandler: No I don't! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!

 

 

TOW Everyone Finds Out

Chandler: Okay! Okay! Okay! You win! You win!! I can't have Sex" target=_blank>Sex" target=_blank>Sex  with ya!

Phoebe: And why not?!

Chandler: Because I'm in love with Monica!!

Phoebe: You're-you're what?!

(Monica comes out of the bathroom like a bolt, and Rachel and Joey both enter.)

Chandler: Love her! That's right, I…LOVE…HER!!! I love her!! (They walk together and hug.) I love you, Monica.

Monica: I love you too Chandler. (They kiss.)

TOW Vegas

Chandler: Another hard 8.

Monica: Hard 8?! We should call it easy 8!

Chandler: Okay, okay, I tell you what. You roll another hard eight; (pause) and we get married here tonight.

Monica:  It just got interesting!Monica: What did you just say?

Chandler: You roll another hard eight and we get married here tonight.

Monica: Are you serious?!

Chandler: Yes! I love you! I've never loved anybody as much as I love you.

Monica: I've never loved anybody as much as I love you.

Chandler: Okay, so if an eight comes up, we take it as a sign and we do it! {Whoa! Where have I heard that before? Matthew Perry talking about signs in Las Vegas. I guess it must've been some movie I saw.} What do you say?

Monica: Okay!

TOW After Vegas Movingin.bmp">

Chandler: (entering, slowly) Y’know I was thinking, what if I uh, unpack here?

Monica: Then all your stuff would be here.

Chandler: Well, what if all my stuff was here?

Monica: Then you’d be going back and forth all the time, I mean it doesn’t make any sense.

Chandler: Okay. What if we lived together and you understand what I’m saying?

Monica: Live together? There have been no signs for that.

Chandler: Me asking is kind of a sign.

Monica: YES!!!!!!!!

Chandler: Okay!!!!!

TOW The Joke

Monica: Look, I am not high maintenance. I am not. Chandler!

Chandler: (pauses as he struggles with what he has to say) You’re a little high maintenance.

Monica: Ahhh! You are on my list.

Chandler: I’m sorry. You’re not easy-going, but you’re passionate, and that’s good. And when you get upset about the little things, I think that I’m pretty good about making you feel better about that. And that’s good too. So, they can say that you’re high maintenance, but it’s okay, because I like … maintaining you.

Monica: (embarrassed) (To Phoebe and Rachel) I didn’t even tell him to say that. (They hug). All right you’re off my list.

Chandler: (happily) I’m off the list. (Sits on the couch.)

TOW The Propsal Pt.2

Monica: Chandler… In all my life… I never thought I would be so lucky. (Starting to cry.) As to…fall in love with my best…my best… There’s a reason why girls don’t do this!

Chandler: Okay! (He joins her on one knee) Okay! Okay! Oh God, I thought… (Starting to cry, pauses) Wait a minute, I-I can do this. (Pause) I thought that it mattered what I said or where I said it. Then I realized the only thing that matters is that you, (Pause) you make me happier than I ever thought I could be. (Starting to cry again.) And if you’ll let me, I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way. (Pause as he gets out the ring.) Monica, will you marry me?

Monica: Yes.

 

TOW Rachel's Book

 

Monica: Listen umm, I’ve been thinking, it’s not fair for me to ask you to spend all of your money on our wedding. I mean, you work, you work really hard for that.

Chandler: Ehh.

Monica: Eh, you work for that.

Chandler: Look, I thought about it too, and I’m sorry. I think we should spend all of the money on the wedding.

Monica: You do?!

Chandler: Yeah, I’m putting my foot down. Yeah look, when I proposed I told you that I would do anything to make you happy, and if having the perfect wedding makes you happy then, then that’s what we’re gonna do.

Monica: Oh, you’re so sweet. (They hug and kiss.) Oh, but wait, what about our, what about the future and stuff?

Chandler: Eh, forget about the future and stuff! So we only have two kids, y’know? We’ll pick our favorite and that one will get to go to college.

Monica: You thought about that?

Chandler: Yeah.

Monica: How many kids were we gonna have?

Chandler: Uh, four, a boy, twin girls and another boy.

Monica: What else did you think about?

Chandler: Well, stuff like where’d we live, y’know? Like a small place outside the city, where our kids could learn to ride their bikes and stuff. Y’know, we could have a cat that had a bell on it’s collar and we could hear it every time it ran through the little kitty door. Of course, we’d have an apartment over the garage where Joey could grow old.

Monica: (laughs) Y’know what? I-I don’t want a big, fancy wedding.

Chandler: Sure you do.

Monica: No, I want everything you just said. I want a marriage.

Chandler: You sure?

Monica: Uh-hmm.

Chandler: I love you so much.

Monica: I love you. (They kiss.) Hey listen umm, when, when you were talkin’ about our future you said cat, but you meant dog right.

Chandler: Oh yeah, totally!

Monica: Oh good.

 

 

TOW Monica and Chandler's Wedding   

Monica: Chandler, for so long I…I wondered if I would ever find my prince, my soul mate. Then three years ago, at another wedding I turned to a friend for comfort. And in stead, I found everything that I’d ever been looking for my whole life. And now…here we are…with our future before us…and I only want to spend it with you, my prince, my soul mate, my friend. Unless you don’t want to. You go!

  

Chandler:  Monica I thought this was going to be the most difficult thing I ever had to do. But when I saw you walking down that aisle I realized how simple it was. I love you. Any surprises that come our way it’s okay, because I will always love you. You are the person I was meant to spend the rest of my life with. You wanna know if I’m sure? (He leans in and kisses her.)

 

 

TOW Rachel Has A Baby      

 

Monica: Oh good God! If you want a baby so bad just go steal it!

(The nurse attending to the babies hears this, turns and stares at Chandler. Chandler moves Monica to the side and away from the nurse.)

Monica: What is going on with you? Since when are you so crazy about babies?

Chandler: I’m not crazy about babies. I’m crazy about us.

Monica: What?

Chandler: Look, we’ve always talked about having babies someday. I’m not saying it has to be right now, but I’m starting to think that we can handle it. We’re good. We’re really good.

Monica: We are pretty good.

Chandler: But nothing has to happen until your ready.

Monica: Well maybe I’m ready now. I mean, it’s a little scary, but maybe it’s right.

Chandler: What?! It’s not right! We’re not ready to have a kid now!!

Monica: What?!!

Chandler: I’m kidding. This is going to be fun.

Monica: So we’re gonna try? I mean, are we trying?

Chandler: We’re trying to get pregnant. (They start kissing, but Chandler stops it.) Y’know I’m not really comfortable doing this in front of the babies. So, when do you want to start trying?

 

 TOW The Fertility Test   

(Monica walks in)

Monica: Hey sweetie.

Chandler: Doctor Connelly just called.

Monica: With good news? (very quickly and wringing hands) Of course it is not good news, you just said (deadpan) "Doctor Connelly just called". If it was good news you would have said (excitedly) "Doctor Connelly just called! " But so what is it? Is there a problem, uh? Is there a problem with me or with you?

Chandler: Actually it's both of us.

Monica: What?

Chandler: Apparently my sperm have low motility and you have an inhospitable environment.

Monica: Oh... what does that mean?

Chandler: It means that my guys won't get off their barcaloungers and you have a uterus that is prepared to kill the ones that do. (pause) It means...

Monica: Chandler?

Chandler: (seriously) It means that we can keep trying, but there's a good chance this may never happen for us.

Monica: (weeping) Oh my God!

Chandler: I'm sorry.

Monica: I'm sorry too.

(they hug)

Chandler: Well, we're gonna... we're gonna figure this out.

Monica: (still weeping) I know.

 

TOW The Donor

Chandler: I think we've found our sperm!

Monica: Does seem pretty perfect.

Chandler: Yeah, you think so, well? Should I ask him?

Monica: (pause) No.

Chandler: Why not, just because his great-grandmother was obese, our kids are gonna get that from you anyway!

Monica: No, that's not it. It's just that when we were asking him all those questions before, I just... I just realized I don't care if he's the most perfect guy in the world... he's not you.

Chandler: Yeah, he's better!

Monica: No, he's not. And if I can't get pregnant with you, then I don't want to get pregnant by... him or anyone else.

Chandler: Really? Are you sure?

Monica: Yeah, I'm sure.

Chandler: (sighs with relief) Thank God, because I don't wanna do this either. You know, I was just doing because I thought that was what you wanted to do. You know, I'm the husband, I'm supposed to... bring the sperm.

Monica: That is so sweet. I love you. (they kiss)

Chandler: So you know this leaves us with...

Monica: Adoption.

Chandler: How do you feel about that?

Monica: I think I feel ok about it. Actually I think I feel really good about it.

Chandler: Me too. I wanna find a baby that needs a home and I wanna raise it with you. And I wanna mess it up in our own specific way.

Monica: So this is it, we're really gonna adopt?

Chandler: (smiling) Yeah.

Monica: (excitedly) Oh my God, we're gonna be parents!

Chandler: We are gonna be great parents.

Monica: And it could be soon. I mean, think about it: right now, somewhere out there (they go look through the window) our baby could be being conceived.

Chandler: Wait, if we're lucky, and we're really really really quiet, we may be able to hear the sound of a condom breaking!

(they hug)

 

TOW The BirthMother     

 

Chandler: But you did like us. And you should. My wife's an incredible woman. She's loving and devoted and caring. And don't tell her I said this but the woman's always right... I love my wife more than anything in this world. And I... It kills me that I can't give her a baby... I really want a kid. And when that day finally comes, I'll learn how to be a good dad. But my wife... she's already there. She's a mother... without a baby... Please?

 

TOW The Late Thanksgiving 

   

(Monica enters from the spare bedroom.)

Chandler: (to Monica) Look! Look! Look what the... Look what... Look what the floating heads did!

Monica: (very emotional) I don't care. (Chandler can't believe what he's hearing. He looks at Monica, then at the others, then back at Monica.)

Chandler: What's going on?

Monica: That was the adoption agency...

Chandler: And?

Monica: WE'RE GETTING A BABY!

Chandler: Are you serious? (they hug)

 Monica: There's a pregnant woman in Ohio, and she picked us!

 

The Last One